sadfreezingbrit_archive | One way of torture that doesn't involve blood [19/??? artefacts collected]

[Dean things aren't all that crazy. He was actually sort-of perhaps maybe not joking about that bit. Although he does understand that the headvoice is something of a hindrance.]

You oughta keep it up, Phil.

[And he's serious. For the first time in this conversation.]

Just don't play Bad Moon Rising until you get the basics down.

[Dean smiles again, but it's much less convincing this time.]

[ Silly Dean. Of course he was joking. Whoever would Philip want to be wooing here? Honestly now... ]

Right, I'll...

[ But he trails off, smile all but gone. There's a reminder of that expression again and something is off, but he wouldn't know how to ask about it, even if he wasn't such an avid believer of blatantly ignoring all the bad things ever. ]

{ Awww, Dean. Did that song touch you in a bad place? }

...I won't. Hey, uh...

[ Changing the subject quickly is easier when you have another subject ready at hand. Philip bites his lip. ]

Why did you come by anyway?

[ Whew. B+ for effort? Picking up that expression is one thing, but realising that there was no other cause for Dean's visit is a little above Philip's paygrade. ]

[Nice save, Philip. You're lucky Dean didn't notice you hesitating too much right there. Maybe you guys can chat over beer and pie later.]

Just been kinda...wandering around, actually. Clear my head.

[Good thing for that, too. He'd felt himself growing close to snapping at Cas, of all people, and didn't want to fuck anything up when it's his own fault he's been so grumpy lately. Dean knows it's a mixture of things: homesickness (or carsickness, rather), irritation over his lack of certain body parts, and the general unsettling idea that something bad is going to happen, and he won't be able to stop it.

You know. The usual.

He smiles the unconvincing smile again. Lying is harder when you wear your heart on your sleeve.]

Post-event blues, y'know?

[ Guess what, Dean! An unconvincing smile doesn't get more convincing the longer you use it, not even in Philip's eyes.

But (curious as he may be about the things capable of genuinely upsetting Dean Winchester) if Dean won't tell then Philip certainly won't be the one to ask.

Especially not when Dean has given him a better, for the lack of a more appropriate word, topic to move on to: ]

...I know.

{ Really now? I knew those gym shorts were bad, but I didn't think they were that traumatising... not for him anyway. }

Speaking of which, I... [ Sigh. ]

I'm sorry if I was... a little abrasive in the teacher's lounge.

[What on earth are you talking about? The unconvincing smile works every time! It works on Dean's brother, and it sure as Hell will work on Philip. Nothing upsets Dean Winchester. NOTHING.

All that aside, levity (and Dean's amusement) returns to poke fun at his friend's apology.]

Dude, you were almost bitchier than you were the first time I met you. In retrospect, it was kinda impressive. I wouldn't've wanted to take your class.

[...in reality, he probably would have skipped.]

Can't you ever just take an apology and leave it at that?

[ ...Jerk. ]

Nope.

[Bitch. ♥]

'Sides, it was funny. I was a freaking basketball coach, man. I'm gonna have nightmares about those shorts for years.

{ You and me both. }

[ Philip shakes his head. ]

I didn't use to be like that when I was teaching, but I guess now at least I know what my students can expect if I ever get back to London.

[ Allow Philip to contribute to unconvincing smile day here, because that scenario? Not very likely. ]

[Hey, everybody's doing the unconvincing smile today! It's a good thing we all understand each other.]

You know what you won't be teaching? Guitar.

[He grins again, ever-so-sweetly, half expecting to be smacked on the head but remembering almost immediately that this is Philip, and not Sam, and Philip is probably too British to hit people - even companionably.]

But-

[Don't paste that glare to your face with rubber cement just yet!]

You could publish a really cool memoir and pass it off as science fiction.

[ No smacking, but Dean does get a not-so-loving eyeroll for his trouble.

That and the ever-popular sigh. ]

I don't know about that. I'm still wary about the ending.

{Oh please, with me as the stunning protagonist? What could possibly go wrong? }

[Dean can tell that he's ventured into dangerous waters again. They've both had their shares of fucked-upped-ness, and Dean knows he's told Philip more about himself than he has anyone else, but thanks to the ever-present physical reminder of guilt marring half of his face, he'd rather steer the conversation away from Things That Make Phil Brood (TM).]

This place is like a Choose-Your-Own-Ending book, dude. If you don't like what you get, you can always flip back a couple pages and find something better. Long as you've got good friends, no one'll get wise.

[Occasionally, Dean will be remarkably astute with his advice. Castiel might disagree, since religion is all about The End and Fate and other concepts that start with capital letters and fill people with a vague sense of dread, but Dean is a little more pragmatic.

Do what you love.

Know who your friends are.

Always keep a shotgun loaded and ready.

Basic tenets that are easy to follow and logically sound. Dean does have the uncanny ability to diffuse uncomfortable situations by drawing the attention elsewhere. Resting a hand over his heart, he adopts a rather wistful expression.]

If you do write The Adventures of Philip LaFresque in Wonderland, I want a cameo as the heroic rogue warrior.

Edited 2011-05-23 05:08 (UTC)

[ Philip isn't sure if he agrees either. What's done is done, even here, editorial powers or not.

But the problem isn't even that. He was talking about his ending, the one outside of Wonderland. Because for all he knows about the Adventures of Philip LaFresque in Wonderland, well... ]

...I probably won't even remember you.

{See? There's a bright side to everything! }

At least that's what everyone says, that you- that you forget about it all once you leave.

[Dean won't know it until later, once he's gone through Hell and come back out again dirtier than before, but forgiveness is hard. Easy for him now, but it's startling how much can happen to someone in less than a year (or forty, if we're following HST*).

Because he was specifically referring to Wonderland, though, it takes Dean a moment to realize that Philip is talking about outside.]

Way to stay positive, dude.

[Even if it's true, why be preoccupied about it?]

How do they even know? If we don't see 'em again, who's to say they don't remember everything when they go back?

[*HST: Hell Standard Time]

[ Philip shrugs apologetically. ]

Because some of them come back later.

[ Why, he even has an example! ]

Just recently I had a--

A friend left for... it wasn't more than a week, I think, but he said he was gone for a year and he didn't remember anything about Wonderland while he was at home.

[ But at least he remembered when he came back. Some don't even make it that far from what Philip's heard, but hey, staying positive and dropping that little factoid under the table. ]

.....oh.

[Damn, that sure puts a damper on Dean's hastily cobbled-together argument about keeping Philip from worrying about the future.

At a loss and determined not to get pessimistic about this - nothing is more contagious than a bad mood - Dean goes quiet and thoughtful. Contemplative expressions aren't commonly seen on his face, but congratulations, you made one appear.

Now he doesn't know what to say, Philip. Way to go.]

[ If Dean's ever gone quiet like that before then Philip certainly doesn't remember it. It's... a tiny bit interesting, but mostly it's just very, very unsettling. ]

{Oh my god, you made him shut up! Call the press! Call the Pope, it's a bleeding miracle! }

[Way to go indeed.

He's never thought about Wonderland oblivion extensively before and moments like this are why he probably never will. ]

Dean...

[ Philip's hand twitches, but he quickly stops whatever gesture he was about to execute.

His misery loves company, that may often be true, but that isn't to say that he wants his company to be equally miserable. ]

...You can't miss something if you don't know it even existed in the first place.

[ As far as comforts go this one strikes Philip as weak at best, but at least it's true and... speaking from experience too. ]

[Funny that Philip thinks it's unsettling, because Dean thinks it's unsettling too. He's been covering up a lot for a long time, before he ever even came to the mansion, and the idea of not remembering anything really bothers him.

Dean would rather be able to have everything - good and bad - from his time in the mansion. Sure, he doesn't have his car, and his brother's a little off, and he's sleeping with another guy, but he has friends.

He stays quiet.]

[It's an almost-normal life for somebody who's never spent more time than he had to with select individuals. Better to miss something that he once had than to never have it at all.

At least memories can keep you warm at night.]

...right, yeah. You're right.

Edited 2011-05-23 20:32 (UTC)

[Dean does what he does best, though, and plasters on another smile because it's all he knows how to do in situations like this. Elbows braced on his knees, leaning forward, he avoids eye contact because he knows it's not convincing.]

Good point, man. I'll remember that. S'no wonder you were a teacher.

Edited 2011-05-23 20:36 (UTC)

[ Philip exhales sharply, bringing Dean the abridged version of a Tch, yeah right. Because teaching was never his passion (but it's required when you want to tap into the research resources of a renowned university). And because that smile still has FAKE written all over it.

...But he'll take it, just as he'll take the compliment and the line of reasoning according to which Dean is at least feeling well enough to put up a front again. ]

So...

[ He stretches the word for all it's worth, because this better end in a good distraction. ]

Did you find a spot for our car yet? Because I've got the statue ready to sell.

[ He nods towards his multi-purpose book-and-DVDs-and-things shelf which also hosts the small statue he showed Dean over video a while ago. ]

Edited 2011-05-23 21:18 (UTC)

[What are you saying, this is the most genuine smile ever.]

...huh?

[Oh, right, right. Paying attention. Talking about things. Important things. Car-related things. Dean can dig that. Forcing himself back into the conversation and trying not to dwell on the whole you have no friends outside of this place bit, the smile widens.

Thanks for the distraction.]

Yeah! Yeah, there's a...a, um. Tool shed. A big tool shed on the right side of the house that's pretty much empty. Big enough to fit a car and all the stuff we'll need. We can padlock it if we have to.

[ Philip nods, adding a genuine smile to the mix. ]

Great.

[ Philip sure loves to padlock things. ♥

He stands up and throws Dean the statue. ]

You'll probably get a better bargain for it than I would.

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