sadfreezingbrit_archive (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sadfreezingbrit_archive) wrote2011-11-10 03:23 am
sadfreezingbrit_archive) wrote2011-11-10 03:23 am
Philip LaFresque and Jack Daniel's depressing day in the kitchen [29/??? artefacts collected]
[ And then this happened and Philip was back in his body. Just like that. Just... like that.
Not that the time off was a breeze, oh no. The things he said to some people, the things Clarence did, but... there are the things he didn't do. The things he could've done so easily and yet--
And yet Philip is back in his body and nobody is hurt. Nobody is dead.
But the conclusions he's supposed to draw from this...
He takes a sip of whiskey. His first empty bottle now and quite likely not his last. That's how everyone will find him during the day: Sitting in the kitchen. Sipping on glass after glass, trying to make sense of what the hell happened in those past five days.
...Only later in the afternoon has he finally made his mind up about some things, leading to the following three audio transmissions: ]
[PRIVATE AND LOCKED TO DEAN]
Hey, I just... wanted to say that I'm- I'm back. I...
[ And then he hangs up, because everything else he wants to say is just so far out of his mental reach now, it's not even funny. ]
[PRIVATE AND LOCKED TO SANTANA]
Er, about... about the last time we talked, I think... there's something I think- I think I ought to tell you. Can we- Could we meet up someplace if you've got a moment? Please? Thanks.
[PRIVATE AND LOCKED TO BEISTE]
...Um, Shan-- Coach? I just... I just wanted to apologise for everything I-- for the last time we talked. That was after-- I wasn't... exactly myself then. I'm really sorry.
[[OOC: Slightly pre-dated to early afternoon on the 10th]]
Not that the time off was a breeze, oh no. The things he said to some people, the things Clarence did, but... there are the things he didn't do. The things he could've done so easily and yet--
And yet Philip is back in his body and nobody is hurt. Nobody is dead.
But the conclusions he's supposed to draw from this...
He takes a sip of whiskey. His first empty bottle now and quite likely not his last. That's how everyone will find him during the day: Sitting in the kitchen. Sipping on glass after glass, trying to make sense of what the hell happened in those past five days.
...Only later in the afternoon has he finally made his mind up about some things, leading to the following three audio transmissions: ]
[PRIVATE AND LOCKED TO DEAN]
Hey, I just... wanted to say that I'm- I'm back. I...
[ And then he hangs up, because everything else he wants to say is just so far out of his mental reach now, it's not even funny. ]
[PRIVATE AND LOCKED TO SANTANA]
Er, about... about the last time we talked, I think... there's something I think- I think I ought to tell you. Can we- Could we meet up someplace if you've got a moment? Please? Thanks.
[PRIVATE AND LOCKED TO BEISTE]
...Um, Shan-- Coach? I just... I just wanted to apologise for everything I-- for the last time we talked. That was after-- I wasn't... exactly myself then. I'm really sorry.
[[OOC: Slightly pre-dated to early afternoon on the 10th]]
Re: 2/2
The laugh turns into a choked sob and he presses a clenched hand to his lips, because otherwise that one will be far from the last.
Breathing heavily he doesn't quite dare to unclench his teeth, even if he knew how to respond now. ]
I thought he'd- he'd kill you...
[ That's the first thing that comes to his mind. That's what it's like.
That is... why suffering alone seems like a legitimate option. ]
{ Probably would have if you'd told me you were gonna turn this into a sap fest no matter what I do to her. }
no subject
[Whatever freakish act of benevolence gave Evie another chance at life, she isn't about to squander it by fighting with someone she genuinely cares for. With a careful step forward (because now he's skittish), she reaches out for one of Philip's hands...but the gesture falls short. At this moment, the only thing she's scared of is the possible lack of reciprocation.
But he's so stubborn that he can't realise that doing this alone is what's worst for him. When you can't run, you crawl. When you can't do that...you just have to find someone to help carry you.
The question is whether Philip wants to live with forgiveness and a vague feeling of regret, or self-loathing and bitter remorse.]
If you don't believe you have something worth fighting for, you might as well surrender. Anyone can give up; it's the easiest thing in the world to do. Don't be anyone.
[But keeping it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart? That's real strength.]
no subject
Philip didn't give up in Greenland. He kept pressing on and on and sometimes he wonders if that's the worst thing he could've done. He wonders if that door was better left closed and sometimes he finds it hard to decide.
But Greenland was one kind of movie. Greenland had a steep story arc and a dramatic score. The heroic lead was to find answers, face adversity and come out on top. Find the damsel in distress, kill the bad guys, cure infection, save the world. Venturing boldly onwards is easy when you actually have a goal to venture towards.
But Wonderland is a different kind of movie entirely. No car chases, no falling rocks, only violins and the soft voices of a choir while the lead is shackled to a hospital bed. The only plot is degeneration, the greatest victory they cast can hope for is acceptance and dealing with it. There is only coping, no escape.
...But there is coping and--
You always have a choice.
And victories are scarce enough that even- that especially the small ones shouldn't be dismissed and treated almost equal to defeat.
Philip's breathing slowly evens.
Like most medications Evie's words take a while to kick in, but once they finally do there is something that rings truer to them than he would have thought.
He looks at her sceptically, though not without a small nod of acknowledgement. ]
But is- is that really... what you want?
[ By that he means the hand he's finally tightening around hers.
Motivational speech for a more general purpose aside, he... he isn't sure if he could bring himself to make the same choice if their roles were reversed. ]
no subject
Nothing changes except for the people, even if they don't change for good.
Then there is the question of wanting. There are so few opportunities to be genuinely happy in the real world that finding anything close to it in Wonderland is nothing short of a miracle.]
...the only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.
[Exhaling shakily, she squeezes his hand back in relief. Hang the danger and throw caution to the wind. It isn't just Evelyn's stubbornness in the way, either.
Determined to find good - actual good - in this place, facing something that has the potential to backfire horribly and refusing to back down might be just enough of a push to lend strength to someone else.]
I know the consequences, and I've accepted them. Can you do the same?
no subject
Philip is not noble. When it looks like his only choice is letting go or being abandoned then he would rather be the first to decide and take his dignity home as the consolation prize.
But when the only other offer on the table is self-sacrifice without reward then... well, then the choice suddenly seems a whole lot easier, doesn't it?
Philip nods. ]
I...
[ Mature relationships are not perfect love stories. They are two people appreciating each other for their best and accepting each other despite their worst.
In his old life Philip came to understand that soon. In this world he has yet to grasp why anyone would be willing to work with a worse that is very evidently so much bigger and graver than theirs.
...But until he finds the answers to that he thinks he can choose to just run with it. ]
I will.
[ His other hand reaches for hers. There's been too great a lack of determination and maybe it's about time he makes up for it. ]
no subject
[Will is greater than can, and whether Philip used the stronger word intentionally or not, the fact that he used it at all is a small comfort. Should something go wrong she stands to lose quite a lot, but it doesn't seem as daunting as it ought to.
There's so much time in Wonderland, and people still come and go. Perhaps she just doesn't want to miss the opportunity to tell those people how much they mean to her.
Evie steps in closer and cranes up on her tip-toes, using Philip's hands as leverage to kiss his cheek. Easing herself back down, she smiles.]
That was only a little hard, wasn't it?
1/5
You're--
[...worth the effort, what the hell?! ]
2/5
3/5
4/5
5/5
[ Somewhere without reflective surfaces, maybe? B| ]
no subject
She has had just about enough of the pervert.]
Yes. Please. Any place away from the voyeur, thank you.
[Evelyn frowns at the refrigerator.]
...Do they really have nothing better to do?
no subject
Apparently not.
[ He turns away before he can, determinedly making his way out of the kitchen. ]
...Too bad the events are only local.
no subject
You can always hope.
[Mood lightened considerably, Evelyn pushes the door open and steps into the hallway.]
...where did you...um...want to go? Some place without mirrors, I take it?
no subject
[ he begins, though while contemplating the suggestion he inevitably realises that repeating the Clarence course of "their" last date may not be the best idea.
Leaving the thought standing for later he adds: ]
...And if we skirt around the fountain there's a lot of space without mirrors outside.
no subject
[she agrees, stifling a laugh.
Outside sounds good, and the fresh air could do wonders. As long as they stay away from the hedge maze, Evelyn will be happy enough. She went out for a walk in it a few days ago and spent three hours getting lost.
It was not fun.]
The apples are still ripe in the orchard, if you'd like to try there.
[For some reason that completely eludes her and all the laws of logic, the apple trees have had harvest-ready fruit for a full two-month stint and they're still going strong.]
no subject
[ He is very enthusiastic about this. Now he can use all his orchard icons of happiness. Hooray! \o/ ]
And, um, mixed tapes...
[ Philip will fill her in on that as they're walking, an explanation in all its handwaved glory. ]
no subject
So what-
[Standing at the base of a ladder, Evie takes a few steps up to reach out for an apple. Yanking it from the branch, she leans off the side to hand it to Philip.]
-sort of music do you like?
no subject
He takes the apple while holding on to the ladder with his other hand. ]
Huh. I actually haven't...
[ Song lyrics have faded from memory. Track listings and discographies he knew by heart are sketchy knowledge at best. The passionate engagement with music of his younger days is gone.
These days the Philip who has yet to leave for Greenland often buys soundtracks. In the background they lend a certain flair to the otherwise quiet and drab evenings spent correcting his students' work.
But he hasn't made much of a conscious effort to revel in a particular artist's work for quite some time.
And then there's the Philip in Wonderland who wonders if the preferences of his youth are even worth listing when the genre might not even--
He lets go of the ladder for a second to snap his fingers. ]
Bessie Smith. I actually just started listening to her a few weeks ago, but...
[ Her voice is rich. Full. Forceful. Just the kind of voice, the kind of music one might start looking for if it was meant to erase any whispers in the background, to drive other voices out.
A marvelous discovery indeed. ]
no subject
[She pauses mid-reach, looking down at him in surprise. It isn't often she finds that someone else is familiar with the music she knows, especially given that Miss Smith (according to Evelyn's research) dies in the 1930s.
Her own tastes range from the traditionally Classical and Romantic composers to opera, early blues and burlesque to jazz. Having spent a good many days in the mansion's music room, Evie has been able to file her preferences into genres and categories.]
The first record I ever bought for myself was her Downhearted Blues. [Evelyn grins, then makes a quick correction,] ...well, with some of Claude Debussy's works, but the American jazz scene has always been particularly fascinating to me.
[Stretching further on the ladder, she pulls another apple from the branch and takes the careful steps down until she reaches solid ground. She's never had much luck with ladders, okay?
Evie polishes the fruit on her sleeve and gives Philip another interested expression-]
Favorite song?
[-before taking a bite.]
no subject
[ Philip confirms with a laugh and examines his apple closely. Not something he'd have thought himself to enjoy either, but the practical applications are incredible. ]
I admit it's not my genre normally, but if you're an expert you might be able to pass me a few more recommendations.
[ He looks down at the apple, contemplating whether he'd be able to make himself enjoy the snack. He feels better now, but he's failed at soup earlier and if nothing else then the nausea is still lingering in the back of his mind. ]
Ah right, the song. Um...
[ What was it called again? Something Something Blues, but that doesn't narrow it down much. ]
...Blue Spirit Blues.
no subject
[Evelyn points out, noticing his hesitation. Not that she can blame him for having a lack of appetite, given everything he's been through recently. She does raise an eyebrow at the selected tune, though. Blue Spirit Blues? Unless she's very much mistaken, that's the one about demons with their eyelids dripping blood, dragging sinners to their brimstone flood.]
That...
[For an instant, Evie considers this. There are several things she could say.
Please tell me you're not just relating to this on a personal level.
and her personal favorite:
The last one would open up an entirely new can of worms about religious beliefs, and she'd much rather not get into that. Not today. So instead Evelyn half-smiles, half-grimaces, and suppresses a quiet laugh.]
Perhaps I could recommend a few things that don't involve fairies and dragons spitting out blue flames. [She adds hastily,] If you were amenable to the idea, of course.
no subject
He'd much rather spend the walk talking anyway, which brings him to--
...He isn't quite sure why she looks startled. Not until he tries to remember whether the song holds any particular implications he missed and stops as soon as he actually remembers the lyrics.
Had a dream last night that I was dead. Had a dream last night that I was dead. Evil spirits all around my--
You have to wonder why none of that jumped right out of him. A very good sign. Or a very bad one.
Philip smiles sheepishly before catching himself and holding on to her request. ]
I'd love that.
[ "This is hell", I cried. Cried with all my might. "This is hell", I cried. Cried with--
Jesus, never mind. ]
...What about yours? Your, er, favourite song, I mean?
no subject
[Evelyn picks at the skin of her apple for a moment. There are so many songs she never would have known about had she not raided the music room. Admittedly, the main reason is time and date of recording and how most of them have yet to exist in her year, but...it's nice. To see how an artist progresses.]
One of the more upbeat ones, though it's probably tied with Careless Love Blues.
[Twisting the stem off the fruit, she flicks it to one side and leans against the ladder. How long has it been since she actually tried to remember the things she used to do?]
I've been listening to a lot of Glenn Miller and...um...Benny Goodman? I think that's his name. I used to play Gershwin on the loudest possible volume in our house back in Oxfordshire.
[A sheepish grin.]
That was when all the "in-vogue" dances came out. It's a bit strange to think that the foxtrot is so...archaic in your time. It was the height of fashion, once. [She looks down at her feet and lifts a shoe.] Then again, so were these.