[Dean rubs his hand over his face for the umpteenth time. It's hard to say out loud why he's so bothered. In his own head, it's playing on a loop, skipping like a scratched vinyl.
He's scared because he doesn't know how much was him, and how much was the event. He liked it. He enjoyed sprinting after people, the thrill of the chase - the hunt. Not caring who was who had been easy. They were just things.
When he woke up the first morning of the event, Dean didn't feel any different from the usual. Coffee, eggs, a regular day. It wasn't an out-of-body experience. It wasn't watching someone else wrest control from him, pretend to be him.
But he can't say that to Philip. Dean has to be the rock, the positive encouragement, the one with the experience.]
I finally just know how you felt. And it...it sucks, man.
[...maybe he ought to stop trying to be the rock.
Dean has hurt plenty of people, but never people he knew. Not really. His whole damn life he's been okay with killing, because he's good at the job, but it takes this nuthouse to give him a conscience about it.]
no subject
[Dean rubs his hand over his face for the umpteenth time. It's hard to say out loud why he's so bothered. In his own head, it's playing on a loop, skipping like a scratched vinyl.
He's scared because he doesn't know how much was him, and how much was the event. He liked it. He enjoyed sprinting after people, the thrill of the chase - the hunt. Not caring who was who had been easy. They were just things.
When he woke up the first morning of the event, Dean didn't feel any different from the usual. Coffee, eggs, a regular day. It wasn't an out-of-body experience. It wasn't watching someone else wrest control from him, pretend to be him.
But he can't say that to Philip. Dean has to be the rock, the positive encouragement, the one with the experience.]
I finally just know how you felt. And it...it sucks, man.
[...maybe he ought to stop trying to be the rock.
Dean has hurt plenty of people, but never people he knew. Not really. His whole damn life he's been okay with killing, because he's good at the job, but it takes this nuthouse to give him a conscience about it.]
...I couldn't tell what was me and what wasn't.